


When Lightning Strikes

by last_angel, MustangTaisaNoKoibito



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Gen, astrophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-19
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-27 00:40:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/last_angel/pseuds/last_angel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MustangTaisaNoKoibito/pseuds/MustangTaisaNoKoibito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinji has had a bad day and maybe Kaworu could cheer him up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Lightning Strikes

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in the manga verse so Shinji is a bit more.....aggressive?

This had to have been the worst day in Shinji’s life. He had woken up extra early in an attempt to avoid dealing with Nagisa but he was already up and was quickly irritating him with his weird metaphors and figurative language. He had had to listen to Nagisa’s ranting and wining all the way to school were he was finally able to shake him off. However, due to his haste he accidentally ran into Kensuke and had to deal with a moment of awkward silence and a judging gaze. Shinji gave a quick sorry before dashing away into the nearly abandoned city. It was when he was finally alone that he realized what he had done. It was extremely rare. Downright impossible but there it was, or rather wasn’t. His SDAT player, he had forgotten it.

Shinji debated whether or not to go back to Nagisa’s room for it but there was a high chance he’d run into him or some other NERV personnel so Shinji decided, with a heavy heart, that it was best to just leave it. He wasted the day walking around aimlessly then going to the beach, staring into the horizon and loathing himself, his father, and the EVA. He was at his wits end and wish for nothing more than for everything to just disappear. The sun started to set and the sky darkened with thick looming clouds. Perfect.

It was pouring heavily and blinding flashes of light could be seen followed by frightening claps of thunder. Shinji walked back to the little room not caring about the cold rain falling painfully on his skin. He was soaked to the bone and was glad he hadn’t gone back for his SDAT player or else it would have been ruined. The pessimistic weather lifted his spirits a bit. He felt as though the earth was somehow being sympathetic towards him. He looked up to find himself right in front of Nagisa’s room. Muffled sounds from the TV could be heard coming from the room, which was unlocked as always. Shinji stood in the doorway not sure why but he felt like he needed to prepare himself mentally before seeing Nagisa. He opened the door to find the red-eyed albino sitting cross-legged on the floor with the TV volume at full blast and Shinji’s SDAT player in his hands and earphones plugged in. Had Shinji not been so infuriated by the sight he would have noticed how oddly focused on the TV Nagisa had been. 

Shinji walked up to him and ripped the player and earphones out of Nagisa’s hands and ears and bursted out screaming,

“WHO THE HELL GAVE YOU PERMISION TO TOUCH THIS! THIS IS MINE! YOU DON’T RESPECT ME OR MY PERSONAL SPACE AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENSY TO RESPECT MY BELONGINGS!” 

Nagisa, caught by surprise, had fallen on his back and was looking up at Shinji with big, red, confused eyes. Shinji turned the TV off and glared down at the boy. His stunned silence only pissed of Shinji even more and he went on a rampage ranting and complaining about all the things Nagisa did that pissed him off. Most of the things he was spouting out didn’t make much sense but he was too upset to care. Finally, Shinji ran out of fuel and started to calm down. Once he had quieted down Nagisa responded with a cocky grin,

“ I was just borrowing it for a bit. No need to get so aggressive. Besides half the things you were talking about weren’t even about-“

Nagisa cuts himself short when a large clap of thunder is heard. To Shinji’s surprise Nagisa covered his ears, curled up into a fetal position with his eyes tightly shut. He looked scared and weak. This made Shinji feel good. It was stupid he knew but seeing Nagisa on the floor looking so pathetic made him feel superior somehow. 

“You? You couldn’t possibly be scared of a little thunder?” He said mockingly.

Nagisa peeked up at Shinji with one eye loosening his body. 

“It’s not...not that...it’s just-“

Again a clap of thunder strikes down this one particularly long. Nagisa yelps and rolls to the side digging his head into the ground and sticking his but out tightening up again into a fetal position. Shinji starts loosing face when he sees that Nagisa is not simply scared of thunder. He was terrified by it. Shinji knelt down beside him and bent down awkwardly trying to look at Nagisa’s face.

“Uh look being scared of thunder it’s...it’s normal. Lots of people are scared of thunder. So it’s ok.”

Shinji was ashamed of how pathetic he was to not even be able to comfort the boy who had given him shelter when he was having a hard time. He felt like he should do more maybe rub his back or pet his hair but that would mean crossing a line he himself had drawn. A quiet murmur was coming from under Nagisa. Shinji leaned closer to hear what he was saying. A song? He was singing Ode to Joy. It was low and kind of slurred but Shinji recognized the familiar tune immediately. He looked down at the SDAT player in his hands. It was paused in track 26. A sudden wave of realization hit him. Nagisa had turned up the TV and “borrowed” Shinji’s player in an attempt to drown out the sound of thunder. This only made Shinji feel even worse for the way he had treated him earlier. 

“Hey Nagisa, look at me. It’s ok. It’s ok.”

Shinji rubbed Nagisa’s back awkwardly not very confident he was doing it right. Was there a right way to do it? In any case this wasn’t helping. The poor boy was shaking it was painfully obvious now and Shinji was at a loss as to what to do. He decided that maybe he could, just this once, drop down his defenses a bit and maybe treat Nagisa the way he had always wanted to. 

“Come on Nagisa look at me. Everything will be fine. I’m here with you ok? You’re not alone.”

Silence.

“........Kaworu?”

Kaworu’s mumbling stopped. It had been quiet. Barely above a whisper but Kaworu was clear he had heard it. Shinji had called him by his name. He sat up on his knees and looked up at Shinji with eyes overflowing with tears and snot coming out of his nose. Shinji gave him a genuine smile. Kaworu’s face was a mess but he looked so innocent and surprised it was too endearing not to. 

“You said my name.” 

His voice broke but it was full of amazement. Kaworu was just staring at him dumbfounded as though he had just witnessed a miracle, which in a way he had. Shinji started feeling uncomfortable with the silence but wasn’t sure how to break it. Luckily, or unluckily, the moment was disrupted yet again by another loud clap of thunder that shook the room. Even Shinji jolted up in surprise. Kaworu was looking at the roof as if looking for something. The thunderstorm seemed to be right above them.

Maybe Kaworu thought it would break through the roof or something?

“Even though it sounds really close the storm won’t reach you. We’re safe here.” 

Not knowing how else to reassure the boy Shinji took Kaworu’s face in his hand and laid him down on his chest. He cradled the boy in his arms and ran his fingers through he soft white hair. Kaworu remained silent listening to Shinji’s heartbeat. It was pumping a bit too fast but it was soothing. They stayed that way in silence for a long time. Whenever thunder struck Shinji would squeeze Kaworu lightly and whisper in his ears lovingly all while combing his hair with his fingers. 

“Shhhhh, it’s ok. I’m here. Don’t think about it just listen to my heartbeat and breathe. It’s ok. I’m right here. I’m right here.”

The thunder gradually got quieter and less frequent as the storm passed. Kaworu had his arms wrapped around Shinji’s waste not wanting to part even after he had stopped shaking. After more silence Kaworu spoke up.

“ A long time ago I heard a story about a god of thunder. They said that long ago he had been betrayed by his brother and whenever he was in a bad mood he would unleash his wrath on traitors and liars with his lightning bolts. He would burn them to a crisp so that they wouldn’t come to hurt those they loved. I was scared that maybe he was looking for me. The bolts struck so close to me but they didn’t hit me. Maybe because I was with you.“

“Stupid. How is that even possible? If anyone deserves to be burned to a crisp it would be me not you.” 

Shinji had laid his head on Kaworu’s and was caressing his hair. Kaworu came out of Shinji’s embrace and looked at him with serious eyes their faces so close Shinji could feel Kaworu’s breath on him.

“You don’t know what I am. What I’ve done. I deserve to be burned and punished but not yet. I don’t want to die yet.”

Kaworu kept crawling closer making Shinji fall back until he was propping himself up on his elbows for support.

“If-if you came to know who I truly was would you hate me even more I wonder?”

Kaworu’s voice was low and ragged. Shinji felt paralyzed unable to look away from those red pleading eyes. 

“You have been so unusually kind to me today. I wonder how much I can take advantage of you before you go back to your old self.” 

Kaworu pressed his lips on Shinji’s ever so lightly. Shinji opened his eyes, he hadn’t realized he had shut them, and was met with Kaworu’s half-lidded eyes. They were focused on Shinji looking at him longingly. Shinji’s body was tense and fully alert waiting for Kaworu’s next move but he only kept staring. Shinji could feel his face heating up and was rummaging his brain for a wait out. Finally he said,

“I-it’s getting late, we should go to sleep soon. We have to wake up early for the sync test.” 

Kaworu looked reluctant to move, scared even. He kept glancing around as if looking for something to avoid separating.

“Come on Kaworu get off.”

“I’ll got to bed only if I can sleep with you.”

“ You do sleep with me. We share the bed.” 

“No, I mean....can I....if maybe I could hold you until I fall asleep?”

Shinji was about to say no, any other time he would have said no in a heartbeat but seeing Kaworu’s red rimed eyes and the drying tearstains on his cheeks made it hard to refuse. Besides he could handle huddling together for one night. 

They made their way to the bed. Shinji’s movement were stiff and he lay down awkwardly letting Kaworu snuggle next to him and wrap his arms around his waist. Shinji didn’t know what to do with his free arm. He didn’t think he could handle hugging Kaworu back so it just lay unnaturally on his side. Kaworu held him tight as he eased into a deep sleep listening to Shinji’s heartbeat.

Shinji heard Kaworu gentle snores and felt his grip loosen as he fell asleep. Shinji waited a few more minutes when he was completely sure Kaworu was asleep. The boy was actually quite endearing when he was quiet. Shinji took the opportunity to contemplate Kaworu’s face. He had never really taken the time to admire the boy. He was so pale and his eyelashes were unexpectedly long. His hair felt soft against Shinji’s cheek, it tickled him. It made no difference now but Shinji pet the boy’s hair tenderly. He never would have guessed the loud-mouthed albino would be afraid of anything much less thunder. The boy had emphasized his lack of fear of death yet to fear being punished for betrayal to the point of tears had left Shinji with millions of unanswered questions he knew he would never voice. However, it didn’t seem to bother him that much, rather it made him appreciate the boy more. He felt as though Kaworu was more human now, someone more attainable. He felt maybe by learning about Kaworu’s fear he could open up and expose his own fears.

Shinji gently squeezed Kaworu into what he counted as a hug and placed a light kiss on his forehead. Shinji smiled for the first time in a long time as Kaworu unconsciously snuggled closer to him.

 

“You don’t deserve to be punished because you aren’t a monster...

 

...I am.”


End file.
